Neglecting my book is actually making me want to write

It's not what I thought I'd feel, but after a month of good distractions, I'm feeling the urge to work on my manuscript again.

In a previous Substack newsletter, I wrote about giving myself some grace when I feel like giving up on writing my memoir. I was just feeling kind of blah.

I knew that forcing myself to keep writing when I wasn’t feeling it would make me resentful and stressed out.

But I have to keep writing to figure out the theme and structure—two things I’m kind of still struggling with.

After changing the entire story of my memoir in late February, I created a spreadsheet that tracked what I did each morning when I was neglecting my book. I did it to feel productive—to prove to myself I was doing something even if it wasn’t working on my book.

In March, I worked on my memoir for 17 days. Then, as you can see from April, not so much. 

One thing I noticed—I definitely spent a lot of time working on my Substack posts. 😁 The stuff in yellow marks the days I worked on my book. I took a break one day to snowboard, noted in red. 😬

The only time I really worked on my memoir was for my class (Write Your Memoir in 6 Months), which requires students to turn in 2,500 words every other week. I paid a lot of moola for the class (~ $2,000) and didn’t want it to go to waste. My teacher, Brooke Warner, gives such valuable edits and I learn so much each time she returns my writing to me with comments.

The other day I spent a solid two hours banging out 2,500 words and I was surprised at how I refused to stop until I hit that word count.  

But more than wanting to get my money’s worth from the class, spending two hours on one chapter tells me I want to write my book.

I think it’ll help if I focus on one thing at a time. Think: bite-sized. Goal 1—write all my scenes and events in bullets (why is this part so hard?). Goal 2—Do the chapters align with the overall story and theme? 

I think that’s good enough for now.

It’s good to have distractions

In April, I let distractions in while I neglected my manuscript. (Also, why does the word distraction feel so negative?) 

But when I take a step back at these distractions and what I accomplished, I’m like, heyyyyyy, I did all that? 

I am so grateful and amazed at how one thing, like writing a book (I am nowhere close to even finishing), has opened up new pathways. 🤯 I realized these distractions keep me motivated, and now, I’m ready to get back to writing my book. 

Neglecting my book meant I was able to be involved in these projects:

• Partnering up with The Prison Journalism Project where I will soon have a monthly column (I will also be writing about this when it officially launches!)

• Being a guest on Shayla Raquel’s upcoming podcast Crime & Compassion (will update you on this when it is released!)

• Submitting a personal essay about my brother for Writing Class Radio’s podcast (I also plan on dedicating a future Substack about this. I learned so much about emotional writing so the reader cares.)

• Taking a crash course in the art of storytelling for podcasters with the incredible Rob Rosenthal. 

Side note, I was also pretty damn distracted by my new Golden Doodle, Rigs. He is just the best dog ever. 😍

Being open and observant

I’m realizing it’s okay to step away from my book, get distracted, and then come back. I think I was looking for tangible things I could achieve quickly vs. the far away future someday when I finally get to publish my book.  

Maybe next time, I should just declare when I officially take a break and put it on my calendar—these are the dates I will not work on my book. Then, when it’s over, I can jump right back into it. 

I find the whole book-writing process intriguing and I feel like April was sort of an experiment. 

When I do X, I feel like Y…

• When I neglected my book, I felt bad. 

• When I tracked what I did each day on a spreadsheet, I didn’t feel as bad. 

• When I look back on the month, I feel proud of what I accomplished. I am now ready to return to writing. 

I have to keep reminding myself that this is going to take way more time than I ever imagined. It’s going to take a crapload of edits, more distractions, some quiet sobbing in between, and lots of Substack posts that talk about all of it. 

What’s your writing process been like? Similar or totally different than mine? 

More reads…

• When I feel like giving up

• Changing my memoir’s story and testing different book covers to help with inspiration

• A confession: It’s a big part of my memoir

• A most unexpected motivation for writing