3 signs it was time for a break from writing my book

Taking a hiatus and learning to be okay about feeling "incomplete."

Hello Friends, and welcome, new readers! If this is your first newsletter, I realize this is probably not the first one you’d want to see, since my Substack is about working on my memoir. 🫣

However, I’m learning that working on a book is much more than setting a daily writing habit. There are days when my writing ebbs and flows. These days, it feels like I’m perpetually stuck. The old me would’ve forced myself to power through. Why? Because I’m a fixer. I get it done.

But this time, I want to explore what stopping means, without the guilt and the negative self-talk. This moment speaks to a bigger theme—to be more in tune with myself. I want to improve my ability to recognize signs and signals. In this case, pausing and reflecting on my book.

For months, I struggled with the guilt of not writing every day like I had for the last few years. Even when I wasn't motivated, I forced myself to write. I told myself that taking a break from my book wasn’t an option because, to me, stopping meant quitting. 

Then, I listened to a podcast about an author who took a decade to write his memoir and specifically noted how often he started and stopped. His book was about his frequently tumultuous and strained relationship with his father. It took ten years to complete because he didn't feel comfortable publishing it until his father passed, but the relationship and his story kept changing. 

I can relate to the writer because, in many ways, my story isn't quite finished. 

So, he took long breaks, working on other creative projects while keeping his memoir on the back burner. It struck me that he didn't subject himself to inner punishments or feel bad about it.

He said, "Stopping is a part of finishing." 

I never thought of it that way. For so long, I thought stopping meant I would lose my mojo and I'd never be able to start again.

After listening to the podcast, I realized the scariest part of pausing was accepting the uncertainty of when I'd finish. I'm learning to recognize when I need to take a break from long-term creative projects like my book. Maybe I'll take a decade to complete my story, too, and for the first time, that's okay.

These were the signs I could no longer ignore.

1. Feeling perpetually stuck

As I worked on my story, I encountered more holes I couldn't figure out. Initially, I took many writing classes and worked closely with a writing coach. The classes and my teacher helped immensely, and I now understand why writers hire editors and coaches to finish their books. 

Whenever I couldn't figure out the why of a particular chapter or scene, my teacher suggested moving on to a different part of the story and then connecting the scenes later with proper transitions.

The more I wrote, however, the more chaotic my structure became. There's only so much a writing teacher can suggest—after all, this is my story.

I wondered, "What is the point of this?" and "Is this even interesting?"

It all felt so overwhelming to the point where I started feeling like being this stuck wasn’t a normal part of the writing process. If I had the money, I would consider writing with a coach to help bring my book to completion, but unfortunately, that’s not an option for me.

I hope this break from my book will give me the time and space to think through the story I want to tell.

2. Losing motivation

I wished motivation was a magic pill I could take or drink in my coffee.

So many times, I sat down to write, not knowing how my story would unfold. On a good day, I'd bang out a 1,000-word scene that surprised and exhilarated me. Getting into a flow state is addicting, and these were the moments that validated the fact that I had to keep going, even when I didn't feel like it.  

But eventually, even my 15-minute-a-day writing routine became a chore, and I caught myself procrastinating when it was time to write. When I got on my laptop, I'd check emails and LinkedIn, wasting precious writing time. 

With all of the mounting procrastinating, I took a step back and thought about how I felt. I sensed some dread, self-doubt, and a haziness that hung over me like a dark cloud. I thought, maybe this is what writer’s block feels like. It wasn’t a good feeling and it started to feel like punishment. (I know, it sounds so dramatic, but it’s true!)

3. Feeling guilty

I'm a child of first-generation immigrants, and I grew up with a lot of guilt. I saw how hard my parents worked at their little convenience store, never taking a day off, not even on Christmas.

As an adult, this guilt trickled down to many parts of my life. For example, when I'm not ultra-productive (and finishing my book!), I feel bad about myself.

Not knowing when I’d finish my book meant I no longer felt productive or in control. But then I remembered—no one is in control. Anything can happen at any time… such is life, no?

Not everything needs a hard and fast deadline, especially when I haven’t figured out the complete story I want to tell.

The core of my memoir—the why… isn’t fully fleshed out. I kept getting stuck because I was too focused on writing about the what. 

Breaks are a part of editing

Professionally, I’ve written many articles with looming deadlines. I learned to get comfortable with the editing process and take plenty of short breaks between my writing. But these breaks were more like 30-minute walks or working on it the following day.

These brief pauses always seemed to help because I'd see my draft again with fresh eyes—did I explain the main points properly? Were there any holes? 

While this worked for writing shorter pieces, how will this break affect a much longer and more in-depth story? I guess that remains to be seen and you can expect another newsletter when I glean some insights!

When I started writing my book two years ago, I told myself never to lose sight of enjoying the process. And this year, I felt like I wasn’t relishing the journey.

So for now, I’m taking a hiatus but feeling good about it because I see it as a part of the book-writing process that will one day get me to the finish line.

I’d love to hear from you about this topic. Have you started or stopped any projects? Did you end up quitting, or did you finish?

Here are more stories that may interest you…

Neglecting my book is actually making me want to write

Finding the silver lining in not finishing

The bad news of writing a memoir

How to quiet down your negative self-talk